Elusive Sleep

“If you lived in your car, you’d be home by now” Bumbersticker in Arcata.

Kind of in a funk today, missing my friends back home, and my son. And my bed and pillows, especially after my last two nights camping, and last night on an air mattress at Julie’s. So I spent the morning working on the website, a couple of video clips for this journal, and getting contact info for future visits to communities. Then I went to the dunes on the coast and tried to nap. The surf was wonderful but the wind was too much to sleep. Then it started to pour. I went to the pool, and hung out in the jacuzzi outside in the rain, it was really nice, did my laundry, and then headed over to Julie's. The Marsh Commons is rather stylie. Nice townhouses in a row, next to a wetland. It was community dinner night (Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays) so we made dinner for 33 people. It was good to be able to contribute. Very different than other communities, no circle, residents and guests would just come in, get their food, and sit down. One of the children had a birthday, so everyone sang and had cake. And plenty of wine. Julie set me up with an inflatable mattress, and down comforter. It would have been really nice if wouldn’t have had a hole in it, and I wouldn’t have ended up on a cold wood floor in the middle of the night. I really wanted to keep heading south when I woke up this morning, but I haven’t even shot any footage yet. Maybe tomorrow ...

CALIFORNIA!

Just over a week and I finally cross the border into beautiful, drizzly, uh, isn’t that supposed to be sunny, Ca? First drops I’ve seen on this trip, and they come in California. To be fair, only a few. The weather has been incredible on this trip, better than summer in Oregon and Washington. This morning I woke up to beautiful sunny skies, and incredible views I went and checked out the Simpson Botanical Gardens, the last thing I would expect to find out here, and incredible coast line. I walked down to the deserted, beautiful beach, took a seat near the surf and meditated for a few minutes (I don’t last more than five or ten minutes, it still does me alot of good though) and when I came back to conciousness, I heard a snort to my right, I looked over and a sea lion had joined me in meditation. Such an amazing space, warm sunshine, crashing waves, and I needed it after the night before. The night before I lost $20 out of my pocket, and one of my cameras special rechargeable battery packs. I also got a bad headache after all the stress of the day before (and from trying to keep that negative energy from my amazing guests). I tend to go kind of brain dead when I have a headache, which problem contributed to the things I loss and the following travesties; I looked through everything, and couldn’t find a lighter or matches, I thought I had packed several, now I needed to make dinner, was hungry, and could find none. So I borrowed some from a camper nearby, after I returned them, and before the water had boiled, the primus fuel ran out. Eventually I found the only lighter it seems I have, gathered what burnables I had and started a fire, never did get the water boiling, but eventually had some warm mushy noodles with pesto. After dinner I tried to take a shower. It teased with a bit of warm water, then went cold as ice. Walked to the showers at the other end of the camp, and the same. So I took my painful head to bed. And got one of my mustache hairs caught in my sleeping bag zipper, how I don’t know, what I do know is it was incredibly painful. Parties, two, loud can’t sleep... but the beautiful morning awaits...
After the morning (Botanical Gardens, meditating sea loins described above) I got a decent breakfast at the Aloha Cafe, in Charleston, and continued down the beautiful Oregon coast into California. Tonight I wirte this at Gold Bluffs Beach Campground. The ranger recomended this to me without tellling me I would have to drive 20 miles (roundtrip) through rough dirt roads, this car definitely is not cut out for this but I made it. I would guess it is beautiful here, but I got here long after dark, so I tell you in the morning. It has been a beautiful drive, but I really want to get back to my project, I need to stay focused, and I am much happier when I am.
It’s after 11 at night, I’ve spent the last couple of hours getting a couple of clips ready for this journal. I feel better now, doing something towards this... Although tonight I wouild rather not be camping alone, I am definitely in the state of mind to be social. Well there will be plenty of that tomorrow in Arcata.
Uh, it's now 3:30 am, Dirt bikes are screaming through this remote campround. I stuble out of bed, throw my stuff in my car, and I am off to Arcata...

El Deano moves to take back his power...

Two Videos in one day!... Something happy, now and good coming soon in video...
Photo of Laura and Robert's now up on last post from Eugene...

You've been served

It's late on a Friday night. I am busy getting ready for this journey, and looking forward to seeing my son the next day. And then there is a knock on the door. I've been served. My sons mom has been considerate, and reasonable recently and we have been planning on going into mediation to work out some issues, so I should have been more wary...



Next comes my response...

Video Reflection and Laura and Roberts

I just watched the no job video for the first time in long time. Man, I look beaten down. I’ve got to do an video of now, and see if you think I’ve come as far as I feel I have. The ‘slacker’ is gone, I am inspired, I am changing my life, and following my passion.
I am healthy, and mostly happy. If some peace surrounding my son (both in the quality of his life, and his mothers’ abusive style) can be found, I’ll be feeling pretty good about things.
I just edited two videos from less than a month ago, that will give some feedback on this, I’ll have them up in the next couple of days...

On to Laura and Robert's, as promised...

Another community. This one is just a mother and her house. And her children, and her partner, and her brother, and her childrens’ friends that are having problems at home. Seems like the recipe for disaster doesn’t it? But she, and they have got it down. Everyone does their part, or atleast pitches in, and Laura has an amazing amount of energy.
More delicious food, chili, free range weiners, weiners no food matches it for garunteeing a few laughs during meals, some Thievery Corporation and other good music, decent wine, and more great conversation about community and healing our country and the world. Robert gets out his haling essential oils, silver, and salves. And almost immediately my infected finger, and I are feeling better.

So it is now bed time, I go out to the former garage, that now has a couple of lofts with open walls. One of Laura’s teenage sons is listening to aggressive music, and talking on the phone. This doesn’t sound good, sleep may be a challenge. His phone conversation is somewhat animated, typical teenage talk and posturing. I ask, who it is (I am not yet sure) and he tells me his name, and I know it’s one of Laura’s sons. He asks if I am going to sleep and if he wants me to turn down the music. This is all said in a completely compassionate voice, his energy has completely changed. He puts on much mellower music. He is not a typical teenager, he is a chameleon. Able to be compassionate and communicative, as his subculture has modeled, and yet show another side to world that is not so kind, and suggests other behaviors, if one wants to enjoy its fruits.

Day Two “I don’t want the world, I just want your half” (from Ana Ng, a line that always makes me think of my sons mom when I hear it)
So a rough day, I’ve still got some brutal stuff to deal with, I won’t weigh you down witht the gruesome details, just trying to keep my sons mom from inhibiting our ability to see each other, and from taking more money from me than I can make. Thankfully I was in a healthy, supportive environment, with a fax machine, I thought I might have to drive back home to deal with this, but I guess not.
More good food, conversation, music and healing...

Today I’ll be leaving Eugene, here’s the email I sent Laura about leaving her amazing community...
Laura as I was leaving today, carrying my two jars of sprouts, an image grew in my brain of sprouts sprouting all over my body, and then plants and then birds and animals, it was really quite amazing. I really think you and Robert have found community already. The openess and warmth of the community in your house are quite something, I know it may not be what you have envisioned, but I think you should revel in waht you have, while staying open for whatever may come, as it seems you are. Thank you and Robert again for the wonderful conversations, the warm protected places to sleep, the amazing food, and the healing!
Dean



If you scroll down, the pic of cob computer in the sun is now up...

Happy very late Valentine's Day movie; El Deano has no job

I know I promised this to you way back on Valentine's Day, but these things take time, my apologies. As I have hinted at earlier, my job was not bringing happiness, or health into my life. Compounded with the stress over the great difficulties a woman brought into my life, it was more than I and my body could handle, I was sick all the time. I have always felt successful as a teacher, however combined with the problems at this school and my health, I felt like a complete failure, so I freed myself early last November, and here is the footage...




Back to the trip and Robert and Laura in the next post...

Lost Valley Day 2

After a long, peaceful nights sleep, I woke up to chirping birds and singing frogs. I took a long walk over the property to digest my morning granola and tea. I wanted to do some wiritng, get some of what I am experiencing down before I forget it. My ibook was a bit low on power so I was looking for a place in the sun that I could plug in. I looked at the welcoming cob bench, and dreamed that this organic structure might by some miracle have a plug in, but I didn't really imagine it was possible, yet, now I am sitting on this wonderful cob welcoming bench in the warm sun, plugged in, writing this. I released some anxiety that had built up over my sons mothers court actions, by calling my attorney. I haven’t heard from him and want to know everyhting is going ok. I am also worried that a cut from moving hasn’t healed and might be infected, and be responsible for my energy drain. I keep cleaning it, but I have a bionic joint in one of my fingers in that is suseptible to infections (no it doesn’t have superstrength, it’s just a semi-effective replacement from when I smashed hand when I was a carpenter), I’m sure I’ll live, I’ve survived tetnus in Australia and Tuberculosis in suburbia, USA. I am having my picture taken on the bench by Uli as I write this.
mmmm spelt tortillas with oodles of yummificacious toppings. Hmmm, I think I am starting to sound like a hippy. But to say Lost Valley is populated by hippies would be innacurate. Their may be some that appear, or would see themselves, that way. But also the ultra-straight button-down and tie, the mother, the farmer, the mecahnic, the elder. People in other words, coming together to create something larger than themselves. After lunch I interviewed one of their founders (Diane) and the director of their Permaculture Programs (Marc). Some brilliant statements, I think this little film will be illuminating. Afterwards we headed back to Eugene, I dropped Uli off, so he could figure out how he was going to get to Frisco and I headed to Laura and Roberts. A visit that was to be full of wonderful fruits...

Eugene

I’ve been in the Eugene area for three days now. Tonight I am staying at the Lost Valley Education Center, an intentional community 18 miles from Eugene. Wonderful, generous people populate this community on a huge piece of land, a former headquarters of a Christian organization. This makes it very unlike other communities I have visited, in that most of the structures have no connection with the land, and no artistic beauty, they look like they have been plucked form some dead suburb. But gardens, cob and strawbale structures, winding paths and school buses intertwine these alien structures. Tonight, after singing the Tigger song in circle, we had burgers (organic vegan) fries and a tasty salad. Earlier in the day, Diana - one of the founders - took us on an extensive tour of the land, and structures and projects. The only drawback to this day was that I was drained. I don’t know if I didn’t sleep well, or if the cut on my finger is infected, or if a week of moving, packing, sleep deprivation and emotions, are catching up with me. But this is a very peaceful place, and look forward to a serene nights sleep.
Back to the first day I arrived in Eugene; bleary eyed, sleep deprived I stumbled around some of my old haunts ( I attempted to go to Grad School here, at the U of O, but didn’t last a term), and tried to find a good place to sleep. I was actually thinking of staying in a hotel, I don’t know what insanity had come over me, but I just wanted sleep. I have friends in town, but I was too beat to deal with finding them, and being social. So I went to the vistors bureau, and asked about hotels, they reccomended a couple and them out of nowhere I asked, what about the hostel? The next thing I knew I was there, and it was closed, but just until 5 (to force guests out into the community, and let them clean). So I got coffee, checked my email, headed back, checked in and fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later. Met a girl in the kitchen that lived in a community in Arcata California. Later we were talking with some other people in the living room. There was a guy sitting there not saying anything, so I asked him a question, and that is how I met my Eco Village Guru. Ulises, lives in a Eco Village in Spain. But for two years he is teaching in LA, so he is living in the Eco Village there. We sarted talking about consensus ( he is also a consensus facilitator) and communities. He was planning on visting a couple of intentional communities in the area, and he invited me to join him. And the girl form Arcata invited me to got the hot springs with her the next day, and I invited Ulysses to join us. And that was an amazing day, of hot springs, and trees and great conversations. Julie (from Arcata) was talking about free will and perception, I felt like I was reliving Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, but from a healthier perspective. Yesterday we went to an Eco Village in Eugene. Urban gardens, and inspired cob, strawbale and wood structures. More to come...

Day one part two

I was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable with all the attention I was getting from partly and completely undressed men, and why were there only men? I walked across a wonderful bridge that crosses the river that runs through the area to the community village. As I came onto the other side, there was a group of women soaking in a spring, one of them said ’he certainly doesn’t look gay’ hmmm, I was really becoming perplexed. As I reached the end of the bridge their was a sign “Feb 17-21 Radical Faeries, men only in guest springs.” It all came together, why they hadn’t responded to my last email confirming my arrival this weekend, all the attention I was getting from the all male guests. By now I was completely sleep deprived and starving, and knew I didn’t belong there, at that time. So I headed back down the hill, got in my car and headed for Eugene. I fell hard asleep three times while driving, despite blaring music, open windows, and not emptying my bursting bladder. But the universe was watching over me, and brought me back to consciousness each time. I should of just found a rundown mountain motel and slept, instead endangering myself and others. If I would have been awake enough to think clearly, that is what I would have done. As it was I rolled into Springfield and Eugene, where all my fortunes would soon change for the better.

First and nearly last, day;

I finally got out of Oly a little after 4 in the afternoon - a great last day in town, even with all the bs, I had to deal with before I could go. Drew and I took my couch out to the bus stop across the street form my apt, and sat in the warm sun, bemused smiles of passing drivers, and left it holding a free sign.

By 6:30 I was in Portland, visited some old haunts, ran into an acquaintance form Oly that had moved to Ptown, planned on taking one last shot at finding a van, but decided I was pretty comfortable in the Insight, - that feeling would soon change. The plan, limited as it was, was to camp somewhere on the way to Breitenbush, had done some research, most were closed but a couple were open. I headed for Opal creek that Peter had told me about. A beautiful area that had finally been protected in the last decade. I noticed that the day parks on the way were all closed, and the road was getting a bit icy. When I finally got to my campground, it was closed, no idea why but it was, so I headed back down 25 miles to where I had turned off. At the turn off was a BLM station, so I pulled in their lot and tried to get a little sleep, I had been up since before 5 am, it was about 11, and I was beat. Trying to fit my big bod in that little car was brutal, I caught maybe an hours sleep, before heading closer to Breitenbush. About a mile past the turn off for Breitenbush, I found an open campground. the least inviting one I've ever seen, hard gravel, no grass, no privacy between sites, but it was open. As I started to figure out my site, the freezing rain began to fall, I imagined a cold, noisy night on hard ground, and decided to try the car again. I headed towards Breitenbush, and pulled off on a logging road, and got about an hour and half sleep, dreaming of bears tearing open my little car wafting the smells of it's load of food. By now my contorted body hurt all over, I was feeling nauseous with sleep deprivation, and it was 4 am. I headed for the hot springs. The freezing rain never let up. The road got more and more icy. My shoulders got more and more tense each time my car lost traction. Finally the last turn off to Breitenbush came, about 200 feet in my car was sliding more than it was driving - I pulled off and decided to hike the last couple of miles in. I stepped out of my car and realized why the insight wasn't getting any traction, rain on ice. Like going up a slanted ice rink. I could barely stand up, and couldn't walk on the stuff. gingerly I made my way to the side of the road, and started clomping my way through the accumulated ice and snow. It was slow going. Any time I thought I saw a trail off the road I would follow it, because they were much easier to walk on. They all dead ended. I kept on tromping up the hill. At one point near the end, their was no accumalation on the side, and edged dropped off down a steep incline. I had to inch along, at one point I started to slide towards the edge, and their was nothing I could do to stop. About an inch from the edge my momentum stopped. When I finally got to the land, the gate was locked, and it said closed, no trespassing without reservation. I had no reservation, but I was not turning around. I went over the gate, slipped by the security trailer, and I was in. The grounds were beautiful. Big Fir trees, interesting cabins, and lots of partly naked, very friendly men on their way to different springs saying hello, and 'how are you'... this post to be continued, I’ve got to go now

Happy Saint VD

Oh man, what a day, sorry the latest video is still not up, that was supposed to be your VD present. Shipped a bunch of stuff I had sold on ebay (NOT an endorsement). And thanks to Drew and Tomas, got the first load of stuff in my storage. Sunday I sold my Subaru (when I started this process, one of the things I was working on was minimalizing - reducing the abount of sheet I have - I had four vehicles then, now I have one, I had about 500 books, now I have about 80, I had about 300 DVDs now I have about 70, I had a huge projection tv, now I watch movies on my ibook...) It feels so very liberating to rid of all this stuff - but it is suprising how much energy and work it entails.
If anyone is keeping track, today is the day I was supposed to leave. Maybe Wednesday morning at the earliest now. There is a sligth chance my son may come, I really hope he does, it would be great for both of us, but I am not getting my hopes up too high. TIRED from packing... I would go to bed, bed it is in storage, so ummm, to my couch, goodnight, maybe I'll shoot another update before I go to sleep...
El Deano

Up to date

I am compressing (and adding hints for streaming) the video right now, that documents El Deano no job, when I have just entered the reality of subsisting without a means of income. But that was months ago and we can't spend all of our time in the past can we? In two days I am supposed to be hitting the road. I met with an attorney today that is going to fend of my mothers' agression, and work towards getting us in mediation, and hopefully prod her towards working for our sons well-being. I can only hope, I'll take any hope you want to throw in, I could use all the support I can get right now. Spent a great day with my son, went to his game, took him to lunch and played some ball with him. I was supposed to take him back home, but his mom won't come pick him up, so I had to drop him off at her work this eve.
One of my visits was just cancelled, the community decided in their last meeting that they can't have any visitors right now. I don't know what the inside scoop is, but I was really looking forward to that visit, on the Monterey coast. I have gotten rid of most of my books and dvds, some of my furniture etc. but I still don't have the ideal vehicle...
next post with video up soon

Under the influence

Here I am deathly ill, my temperature has been dropping several degrees below normal. I have just taken "Jun" made from an ancient eastern culture among other things, I am also likely under the influence of cold and flu medicine. And bummed because a trip my son and I were going on has been canceled. A little long (three and a half minutes) but I am delirious and rambling...

Is it el Deano or just Marlon Brando?

This is a short raw clip, shot after I came home late from work, as was often the case. A bit delirious from lack of sleep, Sharing when my most productive time of day is, and how my job relates to that schedule. This is still early in the school year, when things are relatively good...



El Deano
SeeTheWay.com

Shot two times today

Tetnus in the left Ibuprophin Injection in the right. Went in for my full physical today, stripped, prodded, and poked, but came away with a prime bill of health, ready to take on whatever my travels throw at me. The ibu was for a migraine, I have never had an injection before, hurt like hell, but it worked. So I am working on the next video - shot the day I no longer had a job - MUCH shorter, and I think more entertaining than the first. It should be up soon - check back soon. Although I have had a major negative force reassert it (her) self in my life, and it has been a major emotional and time drain I am trying to stay on schedule if possible. But it is just a sign I need to take my power and use it for the good fight, not very clear I know, but more details will emerge - I've got to go now - keep those emails coming, and you can comment right here I guess, although I haven't tried it - I read everything!
El Deano

First Video!...?

I am going to attempt to link to the first El Deano video, this was shot last September, it is longer than the rest will be, kind of an intro to the whole transformation, and the shadow (Internet addiction, recovering from an ugly, but long past relationship, and just generally off-course) from which I am emerging...




It works!! "It's alive!! It's ALIVE!!"

New About

Put up a new, more concise about for this journal, hopefully blogger won't delete it this time.

What's this trip all about?

"What's the fuss, tell me what's happening..." (JC Superstar - one of my all time most loved movies)
Since Blogger deleted my "about", you may not even know where, how, why I am going - well that makes two of us. But I was thinking about it tonight, out with friends. I AM going to go do some filming for the web site and potential TV show. But more I am going to DISCOVER. To rediscover the road and its possibilities, to reimerse myself in nature, in the redwoods, the desert and other environs. To rediscover the passion inside of me for the road, and for life.
As far as where, well south, and to communities, nature and friends along the way. A friend suggested I have the web guy (Jordan) put a map on the site, and a little car icon that folloows my route, maybe. To find out more visit the web site: SeeTheWay.com.